Elkstar

[Elkheart]

GENERAL

Name: Elkstar/heart
Name Explanation: She was named Elkheart because of her graceful abilities that resemble an elk. She can leap far, run fast, and keep her balance.
Gender: She-cat
Age: 35 moons
Clan: ThunderClan
Rank: Leader

APPEARANCE

Body Type: Elkstar is a very small cat for her age.
Fur: She has long grey fur.
Eyes: Her eyes are a brownish topaz.
Markings: None
Overall: Elkstar has long, gray fur that keeps her warm during Leafbare.
Her eyes are a golden topaz that shimmer with wisdom and compassion.
She is very small but her speed and agility is beyond amazing. She truly live up to her name.
Elkstar has an elegant tail that stretches a long way and helps her with her balance. There's a darker gray line that runs along the bones of her tail.
Picture:
clicky

PERSONALITY

Positive Traits:

• She cares for her clanmates so much and is always willing to help or give even when she can't do anything.
  
• She has a worthy amount of wisdom
  
• She's also very honest at least sometimes
  
• Likes to see the bright side of things
  

Flaws:

• Thinks she is superior
  
• Has ambitions to be better than everyone else
  
• Doesn't always feel comfortable addressing her clan
  
• Assumes things too easily

Fears:

• Loud sounds
  
• Her clan dying/weakening
  
• Not going to Starclan

Quirks:

• Is like a Windclan cat in many ways
  
• Likes some bloodshed every once in a while

Ideals:

• She values her Clanmates' lives
  
• She also values her abilities to jump
  
• Thunderclan's territory[she believes that since the borders were set out by Thunder, River, Wind, and Shadow that they should stay that way]
  

Overall: At first, when you look at Elkstar she seems like a gentle cat that is only up to good. But, when you really get to know her she is very ambitious. Being leader she has a lot of responsibilities and she often gets stressed out when she has to make a big decision. She hopes to live for many seasons, and when she's in Starclan she doesn't want to be remembered for infamy.

HISTORY

Family:
Mother
Petalheart[Dead]
Father
Rainfall[Dead]
Siblings
Rabbitkit[Dead]
History: Elkstar was born to Petalheart and Rainfall, one of her brothers was a still born. Her other brother, Rabbitkit was killed by a fox. She was always depressed in her kitship and became even more lonelier during her apprenticeship when her mother died. Petalheart died during the Leafbare Elkpaw would become a warrior. In honor of her mother they named her Elkheart. On her father's deathbed he told Elkheart to never let her past change who she is. Elkheart tried to do what her father told her but she had a lot of bumps along the way. Her apprentice was named Redpaw, but after he became a warrior he left Thunderclan for the life of a kittypet.
She was appointed deputy by Littlestar because she had some experience since she was one of the only senior warriors.

Elkstar goes into deep shock when Vixenfang leaves the Clan to make Windclan. She can't take anymore so she runs away, or vanishes, and never wants to return to the forest. Elkstar finds herself wandering to Highstones. She decides to visit Starclan because she doesn't know what else to do.
She spends the whole night sleeping in the cave. Starclan gives her guidance and offers her wisdom and a job that has never been offered before. They offer her a half-life.

Elkstar had always shown her ability to jump far and run fast. At first, when she was an apprentice everyone thought her to be just as fast a runner as any other cat. But, later on her ability was known when she jumped a wide stream. She also proved it again when she caught a blackbird that had already started to flap its wings.

RP SAMPLE

Elkheart walked through the enterance of Highstones, and blinked so her eyes would adjust to the darkness. As she padded deeper into the cave she could see a faint light up ahead. It reminded her of a star in Silverpelt looking down on her. When she reached the sacred Moonstone she took a deep breath, layed down, and pressed her nose against it.

The whole cave swirled around her and she shut her eyes tighter. She tried to claw the ground and stand up but she ended up clawing soft grass. Opening her eyes, she saw a spiral of stars until it separated into a countless number of cats. She scanned the crowd, looking for only three individuals. Her eyes came to an abrupt stop when she saw two grey pelts and one white pelt. Their pelts were now filled with stars. Petalheart, Rainfall, and Rabbitfur were staring right at her, they looked proud and peaceful. Elkheart blinked a greeting because if she tried to use her voice she knew she would break down.
"Welcome, Elkheart," the familiar voice of Littlestar said. Elkheart opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her former leader stepped closer to her and touched his nose to her head. A shudder was sent from her ears to her tail tip, she wanted to cringe away from him but she couldn't find the strength. She felt like she was weakened in some way, the only thing she could do was clench her teeth.
"With this life, I give you courage. Believe in what is right and don't be afraid to fight for it," Littlestar then stepped away and returned to the Starclan cats. Elkheart slowly unclenched her teeth as the feeble feeling fled from her body.
Petalheart padded forward and touched her nose to her kit's head. "With this life I give you faith. Have confidence when you don't understand." This time it felt like she was breathing smoke, she coughed but it didn't help. The stinging in her throat faded to like it had been before. Petalheart took a pace back then licked her daughter in between the ears.
Rabbitkit then stepped out of the crowd of cats and trotted to her. He reared onto his hind legs and touched his nose to her head. Elkheart felt like she had the power to do anything, she felt superior. "With this life, I give you strength. Strength to help your clan in the darkest times," Rabbitkit looked back at his parents, licked Elkheart's shoulder, nuzzled her then bounded back to the Starclan cats. Rainfall was next and when he touched his nose to her head she felt like she had peace at mind. "With this life I give you inspiration. Everyday know that you're living for a reason," Then he whispered in her ear, "I've always loved you and I'll never stop loving you." Elkheart nodded in understanding and when he stepped away the peace was drained from her. She longed for it to come back and fill her again.
Then a cat she didn't recognize walked over to her and repeated what every other cat had done. It then snapped into place, this was Snakestar, a past leader of Thunderclan.
"With this life I give you intelligence. Think things through before you make a choice." She felt like she had just jumped into burning hot water. The feeling left her as Snakestar was replaced by Sparrowstar "With this life I give you love. Love your clan equally and don't pick favorites." Sparrowstar turned and the warmth she felt left her heart. Birdsong, her mother's friend walked up and did the routine. Elkheart wasn't ready for the pain, it felt like ice cold water was replacing her blood. "With this life I give you hope, use it well to keep your clan alive." One more and it's over, she thought to herself. Finally, another cat that Elkheart didn't know approached her. When their nose touched her head it felt like she was seeing the sun for the first time. "I'm Bluestar, a past leader. With this life I give you sympathy, use it to assure the doubtful." Then every cat yowled her new name, "Elkstar! Elkstar!"

[Administrator]

Pending.

The title should be changed to simply the character’s name; we need no other information.

My first impression is that she is extremely young for a leader. Leaders tend to be older and have more experience than the average cat, which is why they are promoted to deputy in the first place. A two-year-old cat is usually too young to have that experience.

Please make your picture a link so everything looks uniform. =3

It would be much easier to evaluate the positive or negative traits if they were in a list format, one line per trait, so that we can see if there are four. Looking at this, I see that she is caring, wise, and honest, only four obvious ones. What about being like a medicine cat is a good thing? Also, I don’t see how she could have more wisdom than the oldest cat of StarClan. This makes her “perfect” in her wisdom, and that’s a bit extreme, especially because she’s as young as she is.

Onto her flaws (no idea why you changed the field name). Elkstar feels she is superior and is ambitious. These are only two flaws that I can see, and she needs enough to balance the positive traits. She is too much like a Mary Sue (a flawless, perfect character that is always seen in a good light). Overall the positive/negative traits are subjective and therefore biased toward her seeming like a perfect cat.

Okay, now I see that you made them two separate fields. Please combine flaws and negative traits into one section that is “flaws.” We say not to change the form in any way, so do not.

Her history also adds onto the impression that she is a Mary Sue, saying how elegant and wise she suddenly is. It also has several grammatical errors and run-on sentences.

The RP Sample was to be a post made up for this character you are writing the bio for. This was specifically mentioned.

After looking through the bio, I’m afraid we cannot accept this character as a leader, because of the sub-par quality of the RP Sample, grammar, and character itself. However, you can feel free to retry and apply as a regular warrior or apprentice.

If you request it, I can send you a full critique on the grammar and other writing issues through a PM.


xx Duskfrost.

[Administrator]

Accepted.

The personality looks good now. Her superiority complex shows that even the nice cats can let leadership get to them a little bit, and her assuming things easily and feeling uncomfortable addressing the Clan add realistic weaknesses. This combined with her optimism, which isn’t just a generic old leader trait, makes her a pretty balanced cat and makes her stand out a bit more.

Her ideals are aspects that she values greatly in other cats. She needs one more if you’re counting wisdom as one of those ideals. Since this is just a small error, I will still accept you and you may begin roleplaying, but you should edit this in the near future. =3

So welcome to Downfall to Paradise, and congratulations for getting ThunderClan leader!

xx Duskfrost

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